Adult partnership is necessary to youth-adult partnership, but adultism can stand as one of the most damaging and persistent barriers to adults’ attempts at true partnership. Just as “racism is a white problem”, Lynettte Stallworth quoted by Dr. Melanie Morrison of Allies for Change, adultism is an adult problem. It is adults’ responsibility, not that of youth, to overcome adultism if we are to build strong youth-adult partnership.
About Allyship
A component of partnership is allyship. “Allyship” refers to the hard work of dismantling the systems and norms that confer privilege and power while simultaneously giving of one’s privileged space in seats of power to traditionally oppressed people.
I applied guidance for white people seeking to begin an allyship journey to people of color when developing the five actions below. Adults serving as allies to youth practice many of the same behaviors.
Five Actions in the Practice of Adult Allyship
The “practice” of adult allyship is just that - constant practice toward a goal. You don’t wake up one day as an ally. Adultism, like racism and sexism, is deep-rooted and exerts a strong unconscious pull on our decisions and behaviors. Awareness, practice, and humility can allow adults to push against this consistent devaluing of young people, even if the bias continues to try to pull us back.
Reflect and educate yourself on how best to practice allyship.
Ask the youth in your sphere how you can best show up as an ally for them, but don’t rely on them to educate you.
Stand beside youth.
Not in front and not behind. Allies are out of the way of youth voice and do not act as a funnel for youth voice. Allies also do not leave youth to lead alone. Partnership is about mutual support and accountability.
Stand as an equal partner, with equal value and equal weight in decisions.
Allow youth to speak on their own terms.
Avoid “translating” what youth say. Allow the authentic voice of youth to be heard.
Own and shine a light on adult power.
Adults don’t often recognize our own power over young people. We walk around exercising it unconsciously, many times a day for some of us, but rarely acknowledge it.
Adult allies consistently ask, at every table, in every room where decisions are made affecting young people: whose voices are valued in this decision? Are adults exerting power over youth?
Don’t Rely on Good Intentions
As a white professional in the non-profit industrial complex for over a decade and someone who made the classic mistake of going to law school because I thought it would prepare me to help people, I relied on good intentions far too much in my career.
Good intentions are not enough to change the behaviors and choices of yourself and the other adults in your decision-making sphere. When you fail, and stumbling is inevitable on any challenging journey, resist falling back on your own good intentions but critically self-evaluate where you went wrong and how you can do better next time.
A Note About Guilt
For white people, a significant part of the journey to white allyship with people of color can be overcoming guilt and shame. Adults carry a similarly unearned privilege, built and maintained during countless generations. In fact, it is the very powerlessness and de-valuing adults experienced as children and youth that taught us how to exert adult power. However, I don’t see adults experiencing similar feelings of shame and guilt when developing adult allyship as white people do when developing white allyship.
I welcome thoughts and comments on every aspect of this post, and especially on this question of guilt.
Resources that contributed to this post:
In addition to overall reading on allyship and white allyship, in particular, I consulted this great Adult Ally Checklist from Beatriz Beckford, then at WhyHunger and now at MomsRising. @bb on Twitter. I was also particularly inspired by this post about white allyship by Courtney Ariel (@carielmusic) on the @Sojourners site. I also consulted some of my former youth partners and appreciate their input.